My husband loves it when I argue with him, but I am exhausted

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I met in high school debate club. We had heated debates about every topic and I think that was one of the things he loved most about me.

14 years and a few kids later, I no longer have the passion to debate “oranges vs. strawberries.”

Every time I express a simple opinion he tries to start a debate, but he goes from zero to a hundred in a minute and forgets to listen to my opinion. I have gotten into the habit of “letting him win” just to shut him up because I don’t want to hear it. He gets frustrated when I do that and always says that’s how we always used to do it.

Abby, my priorities have changed. I’m calmer than I used to be and I focus mostly on our children. I’m tired of the constant arguing, but I know he enjoys it.

Please help me find common ground with my husband.

— I have no fighting strength left in me

RATHER NO FIGHT: Some couples enjoy arguing as a form of foreplay. If you haven’t told your husband what you told me, it’s important that you do.

Since “debating” is a part of your marriage, you may need a licensed marriage and family therapist to help you get your message across, as your husband may have difficulty adjusting to the change in how you communicate.

DEAR ABBY: I enjoy helping my friends, partner and family members. I think it is important for me to do good deeds in retirement.

I have my hands full taking my elderly father to doctor appointments and I also visit him three times a week. I also have elderly single friends for whom I do things like occasionally dropping off food and running errands.

Recently I have been asked to arrange transport to doctor’s appointments for no less than three of these friends. One of them is more of a friend of my partner. Nevertheless, she expects a lot from me.

I feel like I have enough to do looking after my father and my partner. These other friends put pressure on me. If I say no to them, I feel guilty.

How can I say goodbye to these people gracefully? One of them has implied that I’m not a good friend if I don’t help her go to the doctor, take care of her dog, etc. She never seems to remember past good deeds and likes to start any fights (she only has one or two friends left). Any advice?

— TIRED MAN IN WISCONSIN

topicnews · September 20, 2024

My husband loves it when I argue with him, but I am exhausted

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topicnews · September 20, 2024

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