Psychology: 9 tips on how to deal with difficult people

In many areas of life we ​​can choose who we spend our precious time with, but unfortunately in some areas we cannot. At work, for example, or within the family, at least not if we don’t want to break off contact, but also in our circle of friends, for example when partners come along who we don’t have a connection with. To ensure that you get through the time you spend in each other’s company unscathed, we have some tips for you that can help you.

1. Don’t take it personally!

“Does she think I’m stupid or something?” – Internal escalation! Because when we feel personally attacked or lectured, we get most annoyed and react aggressively. Attack is followed by counterattack and suddenly a small thing becomes a theater of war. Unfortunately, this doesn’t help anyone, instead it just costs energy and nerves. Therefore: It’s better to keep your distance, don’t take what is said personally and take a deep breath. Most of the time, the person we’re talking to doesn’t mean it as personally as it comes across.

2. The art of listening

It really is an art, especially when you absolutely can’t stand the person you’re talking to. But that’s exactly when it’s especially important to concentrate on listening and not on what you want to say next. Comments like “Yes, exactly” or “Aha, I see” aren’t particularly helpful either. Psychologists actually recommend saying things like: “Tell me more so I can understand better.” It’s important to treat each other with respect and to develop a genuine desire to understand the other person. After all, we can only ever see the front of people. Who knows what they might be going through?

3. Keep your distance

Feelings of happiness are contagious, and so are feelings of unhappiness, unfortunately. That’s why it’s important to free yourself of everything that’s not good for you right now. If you’re dissatisfied, unhappy, annoyed or stressed, don’t bring more negative feelings into the mix. Better: think about who or what is good for you right now. This can even be small things like a cup of tea or a power nap. Bad moods are made worse by the negativity of others. Shared suffering is not half the suffering, but double the suffering. In technical jargon, this is called negative.

4. Don’t be a coward

Stay calm, radiate confidence: Escalation doesn’t help anyone, but belittling and swallowing everything doesn’t help either. Otherwise you’ll quickly end up in the role of victim. That mustn’t happen under any circumstances. If boundaries are crossed, this must be made clear, but calm, and the other person must be put in their place. After all, you are the most important person to yourself and should stay true to your integrity.

5. Where is the problem?

There is usually another problem behind a small thing and that has to be identified. You can also play detective and find out what the other person really wants. This is also called a hidden need. However, once you have identified what is behind the constant moaning, complaining and moaning, you can start to solve the problem. Because the only way out of the negative complaining mode is to switch to problem-solving mode and thereby take action.

6. Mirror, mirror on the wall…

The mirror technique is incredibly effective if you don’t want to get involved in a confrontation or are afraid of it. You simply behave in a similar way to the other person. Simply imitate the tone of voice, gestures, facial expressions, vocabulary and give the person you are talking to a feeling of familiarity and understanding. What doesn’t go down well: humor or a stupid joke, which usually has the opposite effect of relaxing.

7. Change what can be changed

What we would like to have sometimes doesn’t suit others at all, and the same goes the other way around. This creates friction, power struggles, and a bad mood. When feelings come into play, things get tricky. Logic goes out the window, focus is lost, and you fight for things that aren’t worth it. It can help to take a step back and change your perspective instead of getting lost in your emotions. If you have agreed on an important change, small steps can help the most.

8. Practice loving kindness

A somewhat unusual suggestion: try to think positively about the person who is pushing you to your limits when you are nervous. For example, that they are happy, healthy, calm and relaxed. In other words, overwrite in your mind what you can’t stand. These loving, kind thoughts can help because you change your behavior towards the person and that, in turn, can have a big influence on the other person’s behavior.

9. Have positive self-talk

Some people are simply incorrigible and no matter how you behave, nothing really helps in dealing with them. Then the only thing that helps is to focus on yourself. By focusing on encouraging, truthful statements about yourself, you can counteract the negativity that you otherwise absorb from others. You can counteract negative statements in your mind by focusing on positive affirmations about yourself.

Source: Psychology Today

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Brigitte