Is this dangerous when dating?

Questions of love

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Those who are newly in love want to be close to each other as often as possible. But as we all know, that’s not always possible. Distances, work schedules and other obligations often make flirting via screen essential. This often includes one or two teasing pictures being sent back and forth.

However, this often leads to tricky debates. Namely when person A accepts a few nude photos, but person B is unsure whether that would be such a good idea. So what? Are naked facts too much to ask of a date or a sexy thing?

We spoke to Mignon Kowollik about this. She works as a sex coach for couples and singles in Hamburg and warns against being pressured into sending nude photos.

Sexual counselor Mignon KowollikImage: PR / Anri Coza

“The decision to share nude photos is very personal and should be based on mutual trust and respect,” she says clearly.

Nude pictures: Know your limits and stick to them

A pushy person who wants to have the naked facts sent to you before the first meeting and who continues to exert emotional pressure after you say “no” (“I wouldn’t have thought you were so uptight” or “Why are you ashamed of your body? I bet you’re beautiful”) is not worth it.

On the contrary. If you feel uncomfortable and your concerns are downplayed, that’s a real red flag. After all, there are good reasons why you don’t want to send nude photos: In addition to individual shame, fear of cybercrime, stalking, revenge porn or bullying can also be justified. Especially since many digital platforms claim the right to their users’ images.

“Before you decide, it is important to talk openly with your partner about your concerns, limits and comfort zones,” advises the expert, adding:

Do people roll their eyes when you talk about it (even virtually)? Then it’s better not to. Because all types of nude photos should “always be taken on a voluntary basis and with an awareness of the possible consequences,” says Kowollik. “If I decide against it, this should be respected.”

So far, so warning. However, it can of course be fun to excite each other from a distance with sexy photos. Especially in many long-distance relationships, sex via video call or sending a few teasing pictures to your favorite person is hard to imagine.

The sex expert knows this too and gives the green light in such cases: “If you feel safe and respected, sharing intimate images can be a way to strengthen intimacy.”

Nude photography only at your pace and on your terms

Another decisive factor is how comfortable you feel with the recipient of the nude photos. Showing yourself naked always requires trust, whether in real life or digitally. And trust takes time.

It’s no wonder that very few people (with the exception of notorious dick pic senders) would send intimate photos directly to a new acquaintance. Kowollik:

On the one hand, it is about your own boundaries, and on the other hand, it is about trusting the person you are addressing. But sometimes a third factor can also be important, namely the way in which the message is presented.

Some people have no problem masturbating in a shared video call, but would never send a photo without knowing the context in which it will be viewed. Others may feel comfortable with a staged, artistic nude photo, but would never want to show a moving image of themselves.

“A nude photo does not necessarily mean complete exposure or a full-body shot”Adds sex coach Kowollik, who also advises the dating portal Ashley Madison: “Maybe I feel comfortable sending partial body pictures, for example of my breasts or my lips.”

For curious people who are still a little afraid, this could be the solution. The silhouette of a butt is often enough to start a mental movie. “If I don’t want to show my face, that’s absolutely fine,” the expert emphasizes once again. Better safe than sorry.

For a long time, there was consensus that only humans are cognitively capable of calling each other by name. This consensus is likely to have boosted the ego of our species. Dolphins and parrots can also address each other, but only by imitating the sounds they know from the people they are addressing. This does not compare to the highly individualized naming system of humans.