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topicnews · August 28, 2024

Taylor Townsend exclusively reveals how she overcame her ‘toxic relationship’ with tennis

Taylor Townsend exclusively reveals how she overcame her ‘toxic relationship’ with tennis

Professional tennis player Taylor Townsend is the reigning Wimbledon doubles champion with her partner Kateřina Siniaková. Known for her unique serve-and-volley style of play, she is currently ranked 48th in the women’s singles world rankings. She reached her first Women’s Tennis Association quarterfinal at the Canadian Open in August. She is also the mother of a son, Adyn, born in 2021. Taylor is competing in both singles and doubles at the 2024 US Open.

When I was 13 or 14, a new pro, trying to make it, there were so many transitions that I had to go through on my own. I was trying to fit into the box of what a tennis player should be – and even when it was very obvious that I didn’t fit in, I still tried to put myself in that box.

A lot of people didn’t understand the way I played. I was told I played “undisciplined tennis” and that meant I had lost the creative freedom I had at a young age. It was also difficult dealing with my body image and having everyone looking at me and scrutinizing me at such a young age. That’s such a difficult topic to talk about for a 15-year-old girl – having to keep my shield up and throw punches on my own.

Back then, there was no body positivity movement in tennis, no real and authentic acceptance of all shapes and sizes. That didn’t exist. There were these beauty cliches, another very linear formula. Serena Williams won a Grand Slam, but the commentators still talked about her body. What else does she have to do? Whose standards are we chasing?

ED MULHOLLAND

Taylor interacts with youth at the Women’s Tennis Association’s Come Play event in New York City ahead of the 2024 US Open.

Returning to tennis after the birth of my son Adyn really gave me the freedom to become the authentic person I am today.

When I found out I was pregnant in 2020, everything changed for me. I had to figure out who I was as a woman and who I wanted to be as a person, as a sister, as a mother and as a friend.

I started doing this mental work as soon as I became pregnant. It was a blessing I didn’t know I needed. It was really excruciating, hard work. I had to look at myself in the mirror – look at the darkest and ugliest parts of myself, like my childhood traumas and things I experienced as a child. I had to decide what I felt was right as a mother and what I didn’t want to do with my son. I had to dig through dark closets and really figure out who I wanted to be. This allowed me to have a real sense of clarity about what I wanted to give and present to everyone who interacts with me.

Even though there were so many new things in my life—this new human baby that I had to keep alive, breastfeeding, and all the things that were happening to my body—I had a compass. I knew what direction I wanted to go and who I wanted to be. By taking that time during pregnancy and going deep within myself, I was free to focus my attention on other things because I didn’t have to juggle that emotional baggage as well. I didn’t feel like I was fighting multiple battles.

Becoming a mother helped me get to the point where I’m cool with you accepting me as a woman, if you love it, if you’re OK with it. If not, I don’t care because I’m not doing it for anyone else anymore. I’m just being myself.

I ended up taking an 18-month break from tennis, which changed everything for me.

Motherhood has given me so much perspective. I’ve never had anything to stop me from playing – no injuries, nothing – and that’s a blessing, but I’ve never had anything to distance me from the sport either. When I got pregnant, I decided I wouldn’t play for at least six months after giving birth so I could fully focus on being a mother. I had no pressure or expectations in my head.

When I retired from the sport, I realized my relationship with it had become toxic. It was a hard truth to accept when you’re traveling day after day from hotel room to hotel room, city to city, alone or with your team. You don’t realize how crazy it is until you take a break. Once I saw things for what they really were, I worked so hard to take control of what I wanted to bring to the game when I returned.

When I got back on the court, I had different challenges. I didn’t realize how intertwined my thoughts and emotions and everything else were because I’d been in this world pretty much my whole life. So even though I had changed my mindset and become more clear about who I was as a person, I still had to find my identity as a tennis player and redefine who I am in this field. I had to break down a lot of walls and change my game a lot. It almost feels like I have a second career because of all the things I’ve learned in terms of skills, tactics and fundamentals. I’ve learned how to be a true student of the game.

It was also difficult to accept the physical changes my body went through: a C-section, the rehabilitation afterwards, and losing almost 40 kilos to be able to play again. It’s been a journey, but it’s given me strength. I’m happy with who looks at me in the mirror. At tournaments now, I look around and think, “I know half of you couldn’t do what I do in the gym.” I always had to prove to people that I play well and look fit. But now I don’t feel like I have to because I know what I’m doing. I know how much work I put in. So whether you think it looks good or not is up to you.

In fact, over the last few weeks, I’ve drawn strength from my ability to handle my crazy schedule and back-to-back tournament matches. I know the person on the other end of the net probably couldn’t handle my workload. I didn’t have to look for confidence on the court because I already had it inside me.

Taylor Townsend of the USA and Katerina Siniakova of the Czech Republic pose with their championship trophies after the doubles final of the Grand Slam tennis tournament Wimbledon Championships 2024

Rob Prange

Taylor celebrated her first Grand Slam title at Wimbledon in July together with doubles partner Kateřina Siniaková.

I want to show other women that they don’t have to be limited by what people say about them.

As a mother, I have a purpose outside of my sport. I know that winning or losing tennis matches isn’t everything. Sometimes it’s hard to have that perspective, but I’m so grateful to have it in this way.

If I could tell 16-year-old Taylor about to compete in her first US Open one thing, it would be to go with her gut. I’ve found over time that in various environments that weren’t conducive to my development, I’ve silenced the little voice that speaks to me and pushed it aside when I should have listened. So I’d tell her to just go with whatever that voice tells her – don’t be afraid. (And I’d also tell her to zip up her bags on the subway.)

Today, I know exactly who I am: I am a champion. I am a warrior. I have superpowers. I am loved. I am supported. I am resilient. I am everything. I am a radiance! And it is so much fun. I am on this rollercoaster ride now, I am buckled in and marching upwards. I am just getting started and I am about to shift into top gear at top speed.

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