Jac Cordeiro and A-Rod on a date, Ludacris on a glacier and Juvenile vs. Airline

Well, well, we meet again.

Thank you to everyone who sent me scary movie recommendations after reading yesterday’s Nightcaps — especially Rick G. who sent me some old-school flicks from the ‘70s and early ’80s (before my time, you know).

I look forward to terrifying myself for absolutely no reason over the next couple of months.

But, y’all, I saw something this morning that was scarier than any monster movie. Riders on the Sky Screamer at Six Flags Mexico were stuck — while hanging by cables 250 feet off the ground — during a violent thunderstorm that was pelting them with heavy rain, wind and hail.

The Sky Screamer is a real dozy even in good weather conditions. According to the Six Flags website, “You’re sitting in a swing chair, dangling loose 24 stories up, getting hurled around in a 98-foot circle at nearly highway speeds.”

Now stall the ride and add some severe weather, and that thrill ride quickly becomes a panic attack ride.

So listen, guys, I really hope your week is off to a good start. But even if it’s not, I’m here to tell you it could always be worse: You could be suspended 250 feet in the air, fearing for your life and getting pelted in the face with golf ball-sized hail.

See, life is all about perspective!

Now let’s all have a drink to celebrate not being in that sticky situation. Pour one up and kick back. It’s Nightcaps time!

Jac Cordeiro & A-Rod Have A Date Night… Sort Of

Alex Rodriguez’s fitness instructor girlfriend Jac Cordeiro took to Instagram Monday evening to share her “date night” fit. She posted a video of herself striking a few poses in a little black dress — slit just about as far as public decency laws will allow — platform sandals, aviator sunglasses and wrists full of gold jewelry.

She tagged designer Tom Ford in the post, which means Jac dropped at least $2,500 on that little dress, probably more.

So what did she get all fancied up for? Maybe a romantic dinner? A show? An uppity gala or charity function?

Nah… just to sit on a dock and watch the Yankees-Nationals game on an iPad.

Don’t get me wrong: Relaxing on a dock at sunset, sipping a cocktail and watching a game sounds like an absolutely wonderful way to spend a Monday night. It’s a very special vibe.

But considering Jac’s outfit and the way she dressed up and posted about it, I get the impression that she had different expectations for this special evening.

A-Rod probably just said, “Hey baby, I’ll pick you up at 6. It’s going to be a great night.”

So she makes herself look stunning. And then he shows up in shorts, a T-shirt and a Yankees baseball cap and says, “We’re going to get some Chinese takeout on the way. Cortes is on the mound tonight.”

Boom.

However, social media had fun with it.

Karl Lagerfeld, a late fashion designer who took over Chanel after Coco’s death, once said: “In a little black dress, you are neither overdressed nor underdressed.”

This is a rule we women have been following for decades. But I would argue that this is a rare exception.

Kyle Pitts plays it safe at Falcons Water Park Day

Yesterday I talked about how hard it is to respect summer when it’s sweltering outside and all you want to do is curl up in a hoodie and watch football by a burning fall candle. (What can I say? I’m equal parts tomboy and average bitch. It’s called balance.)

Whatever the case, the Atlanta Falcons have found a way to escape the heat while respecting summer: a day at the water park!

Head coach Raheem Morris surprised the Dirty Birds last week by taking them to Margaritaville’s Fins Up Water Park in Buford, Georgia – both as a break from the rigors of training camp and to celebrate quarterback Kirk Cousins’ 36th birthday.

For one day, all those big, tough football players got to be kids again. And maybe soon we’ll all be lucky enough to experience the same unbridled joy as Kirk Cousins ​​on a water slide.

But of course, no one can have fun anymore without the Internet finding something to make fun of.

The photo of several players in the wave pool went viral on Twitter/X yesterday after a troll pointed out that tight end Kyle Pitts was wearing a life jacket.

This particular troll was trying to insinuate some sort of racial stereotype that black people can’t swim. And then he kept saying in the replies, “The jokes write themselves!” But apparently they don’t, because then he spelled out the joke at least a dozen times.

Aside from the fact that many other black players in the photo are NOT wearing life jackets, I’m still going to defend Kyle Pitts here:

1. Some people aren’t strong swimmers, OK?! I’m one of those people. In fact, I still have to hold my nose when I go underwater. Embarrassing.
2. Even if you are a strong swimmer, who wants to waste energy treading water for however long in the middle of NFL Training Camp?
3. Mind your own business.

So it’s good for you that you’re safe, Kyle. You can just sit back and float while all the other morons swim for their lives.

Unfortunately, not everyone is as smart as Kyle when it comes to water safety.

Ludacris sips fresh glacier water

Ludacris was playing a show in Alaska over the weekend and decided to be a tourist and see some of the sights. I don’t blame him. I’ve always wanted to go to Alaska… go hiking, see wildlife, freeze my ass off while watching the Northern Lights!

There is one thing I would not do, however: voluntarily drink water that is full of ancient parasites. And this is where Ludacris and I differ.

On Monday, the rapper posted a video of himself in front of a glacier on Instagram. Luda explained that he had never tasted water directly from a glacier and could not leave without trying it.

“So good it tastes like GOD made it,” Ludacris captioned the video. “Well, because he did.”

He certainly did, Luda. God also created all the nasty little organisms that swim around in the water.

According to Nature World News, glaciers are home to bacteria, parasites, microorganisms and even human feces that have remained frozen for years. When glaciers melt, these things can survive in the water the glaciers leave behind. This includes so-called “zombie viruses” that have been frozen for thousands of years.

And tardigrades too. And maybe even those silly, socially advanced tardigrades from South Park!

Fortunately, Luda is still alive after his careless water test. At least for now.

He posted an update on Monday evening to reassure his fans of his safety.

“To all of you who ask me what this glacier water really tastes like, I’ll tell you – I’m a water snob – it was the best tasting water I’ve ever had in my life,” he said. “When I drank it, it felt like every cell in my human body was being hydrated and rejuvenated at the same time. Afterward, I had the greatest show in Alaska.”

Hope it’s worth your time on the toilet for the next two weeks, Luda.

Juvenile v. American Airlines

While we’re on the subject of rappers past their prime, Juvenile is in a full-blown war with American Airlines after they kicked him out of first class on a flight to Dallas last week.

By the way, this guy is 49 years old – his stage name doesn’t really fit him anymore. Even Lil’ Bow Wow dropped the “Lil'” when he was 15. So I’m going to call Juvenile by his legal name, Terius Gray.

Terius and his wife were already seated in first class when a flight attendant approached him and told him his ticket had been downgraded. So Terius pulled out his phone and started livestreaming. (Perhaps the nickname “Juvenile” is more a matter of maturity than age.)

“I’m a celebrity,” Juvenile said. “There will be consequences.”

Look, I could feel sorry for the guy. But if you pull the “I’m a celebrity” card, you lose me. My friend, you will not be given preferential treatment over another paying customer just because you had a hit 25 years ago. Fly private or get over it.

Apparently, American had to change planes at the last minute and the new flight happened to have fewer first class seats, so the computer randomly chose who had to be downgraded and Juvenile was the unfortunate winner.

Then the flight attendant said, “Get your ass back to economy class, kid!”

Just kidding. I’m sure the flight attendant didn’t say that. But that would have been hilarious.

So is this a crappy situation? Sure. And I can’t say I’d be happy about it if I were in his shoes. But I would reluctantly take the economy seat – after negotiating a refund and a first class voucher for my next flight, of course. If I’m going to be inconvenienced, at least it should be worth it.

But our friend Terius didn’t do that. Instead, he threw a tantrum and left the plane.

“I’m going to get off the plane. I’m not going to let you disrespect me. I’m not going to let you single me out of all the people on the plane to disrespect me,” he said in the livestream.

So he got himself into even more trouble by getting off the plane and rebooking a flight with another airline. Juvenile says he’s flying Southwest from now on.

Wait until he finds out that Southwest doesn’t even offer first class. Maybe then they’ll get him some extra drink coupons.

Because HE IS A CELEBRITY!

Let’s open the mailbag.

Tom from Atlanta sends us this monstrosity from across the pond

Hey, I was just reading up on the mayo debate and thought I’d send you a picture from Italy, from the Marche region at the toe of the boot around a town called Pesaro, where my company was founded. A famous composer, Gioachino Rossini, is from there. In that region there is a pizza named after the composer Rossini. It’s a regular cheese pizza with hard boiled eggs and mayo. I’ve attached a picture.

I tried it without throwing up and have to say it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, but one piece means I never have to eat it again (twice in China I had to eat sea cucumber). And no, the Italians didn’t have Dukes or Hellman’s…most restaurants have it made in-house, which seems better? Enjoy and Go Dawgs!

I’m calling the police.

(Photo credit: Tom from Atlanta)

John D. makes a good point:

Please note that the spiced cow does not contain mayonnaise.

Amber:

I’m afraid the mayo udder might have looked a little too realistic.

Patrick M. once surfed with strippers:

The story about Robert and the stripper reminded me of my tailgate spot a few years ago.

We had been parked in the same spot for years and had hardly experienced anything exciting apart from the usual barbecue mishaps, peeing outside in the city with passersby, etc.

That all changed one day when a loose guy and a couple of scantily clad ladies opened their booth. It didn’t take long for us to realize they were probably part of the loose crowd…they pulled out another tote bag and my buddy said, “I bet that’s a stripper pole.” I’m way too cheap to go to the dollar store often, so I thought to myself, WTF, does such a thing exist?

Sure enough, a portable stripper pole appeared and there was more excitement than we thought possible. Especially because one of the ladies was a bit too tall to climb to the top of the pole and the fun (and her) ended shortly after the summit. She was brave and made it off the ground immediately but wasn’t brave enough to tempt fate again. That was probably a good thing because my first aid kit wasn’t prepared for that.

Here’s the picture as proof that this isn’t complete bullshit… I’m not nearly creative enough to think of something like this. I still feel unclean just for sharing the parking space…

Amber:

Did it look something like this?

Things I liked:

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column that appears Monday to Friday at 4 p.m.

Follow me on X / Twitter at @TheAmberHarding or email me at [email protected].