Debate because man wants to redeem the Hall Pass that his unfaithful wife gave him 5 years ago

A married man sparked a debate online when he revealed his desire to enter into a relationship with a woman he has developed feelings for.

The man, who goes by u/classiccontexts on Reddit, posted on the platform on August 22 that he wanted to use the “hall pass” his wife granted him five years ago after she began a brief affair with another man. The post, which has been upvoted more than 9,600 times, has sparked a discussion about the morals and values ​​of the 35-year-old man and his wife.

“I’m not sure how [having an affair] helps to restore trust or how that is compatible with monogamy, and that seems to be what the man is looking for,” said Alyse Freda-Colon, a therapist from New York, Newsweek“He is in a secret, emotionally charged relationship with another woman. To me, that’s an affair.”

“The sex part is almost semantics,” added Freda-Colon.

“My wife and I have been married for ten years,” the man wrote in his post. “We have two children.”

“Five years ago I found out my wife was having an affair. I was devastated and felt numb because I loved my wife very much.”

The man added that it was his wife’s partner who told him about her secret when she ended the affair. The affair had lasted a month and his wife had ended it because she felt “really guilty” about what she had done.

Over the following months and years, the man’s wife felt remorse and took several steps to repair the damage she had done to the relationship.

“She said she would do anything, take any reconciliation steps I asked her to, and just begged not to tear our family apart,” the man said. “My first reaction was to get a divorce, but after thinking about it for a week, I decided to just go through with it for our family and because I still loved my wife.”

“My wife was very grateful and even told me I had carte blanche to use at any time. Over the next year or so, my wife took the steps toward reconciliation, which included therapy, rehab, quitting her job, and a number of other things.”

Despite his wife’s efforts to save their marriage, the man struggled to move on and continued to ruminate on their past affair. Last year, he began a friendship with a 32-year-old woman named Melissa and is now unsure whether to give in to the growing feelings he is developing for her and justify it as retaliation for his wife’s behavior five years ago.

“At first we met every week at the bookstore to talk about books and life, but then we started talking more about our personal lives and arranged to meet for coffee and brunch,” the man said. “Another thing we had in common was that Melissa was also married to her husband, who had cheated on her many years ago.”

The poster added: “Melissa has made it clear that she has very strong feelings for me… I have very strong feelings for her too.”

The man wrote that while he had not crossed any physical boundaries and had no intention of doing so, he wanted to explore the emotional connection with her, adding that he had never had such strong feelings for anyone before.

Freda-Colon said the biggest problem in this complex dilemma is the concept of carte blanche.

“Perhaps your wife said this out of guilt, but an affair between you and your wife is unlikely to lead to a better relationship, so this was not the right decision,” the therapist added.

The viral post has amassed more than 10,000 comments, many of which criticize all parties involved in the story and debate the ethical underpinnings of the man’s decision to pursue Melissa

“The fact that Melissa cheats on her husband does not make her better than your wife,” one user wrote.

“The struggle for sobriety makes me believe that she cheated while [the man’s wife] was at a low point in her personal life,” another shared. “The fact that she fought so hard and owned up to her mistakes and apologized for them makes the woman a better person in my eyes. Addiction is a cruel beast and destroys a person quickly. If he didn’t appreciate those efforts then I think he should have taken the kids and left.”

The user added: “Melissa is sending up red flags that just make me cringe. No woman who has been cheated on should date a married man, no matter what he says.”

Newsweek I reached out to u/classiccontexts on Reddit for more information.

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