Rules for mothers talking to childless friends divide the internet

No logistics of activities

According to @circulargurl, people without kids “don’t want to hear about” the logistics of taking their kids to their extracurricular activities.

“It’s boring,” she says.

Try asking us something other than our dating life

“Many of us have very full lives. We’re very busy and our lives aren’t about living your life, finding a partner or having kids,” says @circulargurl in her video. “So maybe try exploring other topics.”

@circulargurl says she’s “very” focused on her career, but she rarely gets asked about it because people are jealous.

“It’s not because they can’t empathize, it’s because they don’t want to hear about your professional successes,” she says on TikTok. “We all make our choices, and while partnership and family mean success for one person, success for another may depend on income or career.”

@circulargurl notes that she often feels like “entertainment” to her married friends as they fish for dating stories.

“That’s fine to a certain extent, but when they’re not as open about their own marriage, let alone actively trying to set us up and introduce us to people, it starts to feel a little more one-sided,” @circulargurl tells TODAY.com.

If we come to visit from out of town, please do not take us to children’s parties

“We’re then stuck in the place you took us, with a group of kids and parents we don’t know, all talking about a topic we don’t necessarily care about,” says @circulargurl.

My “husband” won’t let me find an excuse not to come to see you.

@circulargurl understands that friends with kids need to figure out childcare before committing to a plan, but she cringes when you say, “Let’s see if he’ll let me visit you. He doesn’t like me going out of town because he has the kids.”

“Laying it out like you need someone’s permission to get it is really off-putting,” explains @circulargurl.

Visit our events

“We didn’t have a wedding, an engagement party, a baby shower,” notes @circulargurl. “If we have an event, it’s just as important as this one. And if you can’t make it, it’s an insult.”

Reaction to the rules

The original author never expected a major response to her guidelines, but her video has been viewed over 62,000 times on TikTok.

“With the ‘childless cat lady’ stereotype used as political cannon fodder, women without children receive subtle (and not so subtle) messages every day that they are less valuable, even from friends,” @circulargirl wrote to TODAY.com. “For example, single women often put a disproportionate amount of effort and time into maintaining friendships. It can feel like society values ​​some people’s time more than others. I think many of us would just ask for this to be reconsidered.”

Her video is receiving hundreds of reactions ranging from praise to horror. “As a woman who never had a husband or children until she was 38 (2 years ago), I am appalled by your list. The self-centered perspective you outline is dripping with jealousy,” one person wrote in the comments.

“Thank you,” wrote another. “I’m really sick of my dating life being just entertainment/to make married friends feel better about their marriages.”

Further reactions were:

• I believe that when such boundaries are set, the “friendship” becomes strained and fake.
• You don’t want to hear about the most important thing in their life or attend related events like parties, but you want them to be very interested in your activities and go to your milestone parties.
• I treated myself to a pajama birthday party, like I’ve done for many years. The whole night was mom talk. The. Whole. Night. I haven’t had a party since. It’s damn isolating.
• I’m childless (and married). I appreciate it when my parent friends talk about different things than their kids, but as a friend, I’m there to make space for their experiences, just as they do for mine.
• Yes, that’s it. I bought a house, got a new job, wrote a book, and bought a horse this year. And yet the first thing my girlfriends ask me is, “Are you seeing anyone?” So fuck you. How’s your marriage going?
• My child and my work are the only things I do in my life right now. The time I used to have for hobbies and going out is now scarce. If you don’t care about what’s happening in my life, we won’t be friends.
• I’m listening. But can we take a little break during the pregnancy/first year with the baby? I’m seriously trying to hold on. In a year or so I can be a better girlfriend, don’t give up on me.