Dear Abby: My husband and I want to have children, but how can I ease the fear of pregnancy complications?

Dear Abby: My husband and I have been married for two years and together for five. He is a wonderful man who I love very much. I have always felt called to be a mother and he has expressed the same thing about being a father. He would be an incredible father and I would love nothing more than to raise children with him.

The conflict is that in the last year I have learned a lot more about pregnancy and childbirth and what it can mean for the mother emotionally and physically. Some of my friends who have recently given birth have experienced serious complications.

Abby, after learning all this information, I am terrified of being pregnant. There is so much that can go wrong and I have a chronic illness that will likely be made worse by pregnancy. I also question the ethics of bringing a child into this world as I know how horrible it is and there are so many children who need homes already, but that is minor compared to my fear of health issues.

My husband doesn’t want to adopt our first child unless we become infertile or I can’t carry the child to term. However, he is open to adoption after we try having our own child. Adoption or surrogacy is not financially feasible for us anyway.

I don’t know how to tell him that I don’t want to carry a child – ever. We’re a little older, so my biological clock is ticking. How can I overcome my fear and give us something we both desperately want?

— Fear in Pennsylvania

Dear Frightened One: I discussed your letter with Beverly Hills gynecologist Michele Milovina, and her first words were, “That’s a very common question,” if that makes you feel any better.

Dr. Milovina further said that if someone (like you) is anxious due to an existing medical condition, it is time to make an appointment with their gynecologist or a perinatologist before conceiving. A perinatologist is a doctor who specializes in high-risk pregnancies. You can then get real percentages and numbers and make an informed decision.

If you are still afraid, a reproductive psychiatrist (yes, there is such a specialization) can help ease your fears. You can include your husband in these visits, as this is a decision that should be made jointly with him.

Previously

Dear Abby, When I left my husband, he moved in with my sister and somehow I’m the bad guy!

Dear Abby: When my lover was snooping around in my emails, he saw the old message from an old affair and everything came to light

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Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and created by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, California 90069. Copyright 2024, Andrews, McMeel Syndication.