Dear Abby, I am so tired of my husband turning our conversations into heated debates.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I met in high school debate club. We had heated debates about every topic and I think that was one of the things he loved most about me.

14 years and a few kids later, I no longer have the fire in me to argue “oranges vs. strawberries.” Every time I express a simple opinion, he tries to engage in a debate, but he goes from zero to a hundred in a minute and forgets to listen to my opinion. I’ve gotten into the habit of “letting him win” just to shut him up because I don’t want to hear it. He gets frustrated when I do this and always says that’s how we always used to do it.

Abby, my priorities have changed. I am calmer than I used to be and I focus mainly on our children. I am tired of the constant arguing, but I know he enjoys it. Please help me find common ground with my husband. – I HAVE NO MORE FIGHTS IN ME

RATHER NO FIGHT: Some couples enjoy arguing as a form of foreplay. If you haven’t told your husband what you told me, it’s important that you do so. Since “debating” is an established pattern in your marriage, you may need a licensed marriage and family therapist to help you get your message across, as your husband may have difficulty adjusting to the changed way you communicate.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.