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topicnews · September 20, 2024

How online dating sites damage your psyche

How online dating sites damage your psyche

More and more people are using apps to find their ideal partner. But this also has its pitfalls. International researchers have found that online dating can have a negative impact on the psyche.

Your fingers slide over your smartphone, you open the dating app and a strange face appears on the screen. Seconds later, you make a decision – do I like this person or not? Finding love with a click of a mouse has long been part of everyday life.

A popular method: online dating, which has become firmly established in recent years. According to a 2022 survey by the IT industry association Bitkom, 20 million Germans have already used services such as Tinder, Parship or Bumble. Around 60 percent of these users have found one or more stable relationships through them. The survey by Bitkom Research included 1,005 people aged 16 and over from Germany.

Love at the click of a mouse – online dating with underestimated stress potential

Young people in particular often face uncertainty when looking for a partner online. A study from India presented at a conference in Prague revealed that more than half of the 18- to 30-year-olds surveyed feel confused when looking for a partner – especially women.

The reasons for this are varied, say the researchers. Edited photos and the sheer number of options on the Internet put many people under pressure. Daily contact with manipulated images raises expectations of a potential partner. In addition, the multitude of options in dating apps and social media contributes to this, according to the team led by Chayan Munshi from the Ethophilia Research Foundation in Santiniketan. The researchers also report that young people often see sexually stimulating content on social media, which can distort reality and expectations of a potential partner.

Wera Aretz, couples therapist and psychologist at the Fresenius University of Applied Sciences in Cologne, draws attention to the phenomenon of dating burnout. Long-term stress and frustration during online dating can lead to this psychosomatic syndrome, she writes in Journal of Business and Media PsychologyDating burnout is not a disease in itself, but it is characterized by emotional exhaustion, cynicism and increased performance. According to Aretz, an estimated 14 percent of users of dating platforms are affected.

More and more people are confused about online dating – too many options?

The monotony of constantly swiping on the screen to find interesting people is particularly risky. Spending several hours reading profiles, sending the same messages and ultimately ending up without a date. Ghosting – suddenly ignoring or blocking you by your communication partner – also represents a significant risk and can affect anyone. According to a study, people with low self-esteem or fear of commitment are particularly susceptible to dating burnout.

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Social psychologist and couples therapist Johanna Degen from Flensburg criticizes the injustice in online dating: “Online dating is not fair at all,” she says. “Online dating is extremely sexist and discriminatory. You hardly see any people with disabilities on dating apps.”

This imbalance leads many to show their best side and stand out from the crowd, adds Degen. However, she warns: “The more I optimize my profile, the more stress I have because I am confronted with this perfect version of myself as an identity and then, on a date, with the disappointment of the other person.” Couples therapist Aretz knows this from her clients. Men often lie about their height, while women make themselves look younger on their profiles. They also often lie about their level of education. And whether the other person is really single sometimes remains a mystery.

The best tips for online dating – view offers now

The Indian researchers also note that some people use dating platforms despite being in a committed relationship. However, Aretz stresses that this does not always have to be negative. As long as it happens in an open relationship or both partners want to explore their sexuality together with a third person, this could also have positive aspects. However, problems arise when one partner does not know that the other is dating online.

Despite stress – online dating has many advantages, according to researchers

According to Aretz, a major advantage of online dating is the possibility of finding potential partners over long distances. This leads to more relationships between people of different cultural backgrounds and fewer barriers due to social classes. “The biggest opportunity is that we can come into contact with an incredibly large number of people in a very convenient and playful way, people we wouldn’t be able to meet on the way to university, to work or in the supermarket,” explains the psychologist. I can get to know people in India, Turkey, Greece – all over the world – with just one click.

The myth that everyone on dating apps is only looking for one-night stands is persistent. But the Bitkom survey shows a different picture: only six percent of users are only interested in sex, while 71 percent are looking for a steady relationship. Some couples therapists recommend paid apps, as paying users are often more serious. For younger people, free sites like Tinder or OkCupid might be more suitable, as these platforms appeal to a younger target group.

Everyone has their own wishes for a partner. However, it is important to be honest and authentic, advises Aretz. You should not pretend and only show the best sides of yourself. It is about basically pleasing people who you are interested in. Honesty helps to weed out unsuitable candidates: “To find the needle in the haystack, you have to burn the haystack.”

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