Steven Naismith is not a beautician

It feels like it’s been ages since we’ve seen Celtic but it’s only been 12 days. Can you imagine what it’s been like for teams who have lost their last game? That must hurt. Really, really hurt.

I’m thinking of Hearts, of course! Last time they lost at home to Dundee United, who had 34% possession but managed to frustrate Hearts and take home three points. That leaves Hearts in joint last place with Kilmarnock with one point from four games.

Hearts have endured a terrible two months. Pre-season defeats at home to Orient and Spurs and away to Fleetwood Town set them up for a glorious start to the season. Their first competitive game of the season ended in a 0-0 draw, their only game since May that did not end in defeat. We will come back to that game shortly.

Since then there have been defeats against Dundee, Falkirk in the League Cup, twice against Viktoria Plzen and against Motherwell before the defeat against United.

So it’s going to be easy at Celtic Park tomorrow, right? Not necessarily. Hearts are a footballing mess who have fallen short of expectations at Olympic level. Their lowest possession percentage in those three league defeats was 60% – an indication that this is a team with all the resources but poorly managed or motivated.

The outlier was their draw in the opening game, which they achieved with 37% possession. They kept their ambitions in check, defended well and occasionally managed to break through.

If you were a beautician tasked with managing a Scottish Premiership club, you would surely find it easier to devise a game plan that went no further than ‘get everyone behind the ball’ than trying to beat a Motherwell side who had themselves decided to get everyone behind the ball.

I’m not saying Steven Naismith is a beautician. You have to go to college to be a beautician these days, but he has a lot in common with a beautician who was asked to manage a top football club. Both Steven and the beautician would send Hearts out to look after the ball tomorrow.

If Celtic play to their strengths, none of this will matter. But we are not facing a team at the bottom of the table tomorrow, just a team that is managed like one.

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