How to avoid indecision as an adult

During your childhood, your parents (or guardians) made most of the decisions for you. From what you would eat to what school you would attend, and in some cases even the type of studies you would pursue and the college you would attend, they decided. But now you are an adult, which means you have to take responsibility and make your own life decisions. This thought can be liberating for many, but for the undecided, it can be a nightmare.

The thought of having to make decisions – whether it’s placing an order at a restaurant or choosing a life partner – can cause anxiety in such people. However, in adulthood, you can’t run away from it. You have to make important decisions about your personal life, career, health and more. After all, life always surprises you with changes and challenges. But being indecisive can do more harm than good. From your mental well-being to your professional life and relationships, indecision has a negative impact on everything.

“Indecision can delay important decisions, which can lead to missed opportunities and higher stress. Constantly questioning decisions can be mentally exhausting and lead to worry. Indecision can lead to tension in relationships because people can become impatient with your lack of determination,” says Dr. Gorav Gupta, CEO and senior psychiatrist at Tulasi Health Care.

In the workplace, it can hinder your development, as hesitation in making decisions can be perceived as a lack of confidence and leadership. “Indecision can eventually lead to a cycle of doubt and procrastination, as well as a decline in self-esteem,” adds Dr. Gupta.

Many adults describe themselves as “indecisive” and believe that there is no way to change. But you know what? That’s not true. You can overcome indecision even as an adult.

Although many adults accept this inability to make decisions as a way of being and perhaps even a personality trait, they fail to realize that it can be worked on. How? We will get there. But first, it is important to understand why some people have difficulty making decisions.

Why are some people indecisive?

Many things contribute to indecision, like perfectionism, rumination, fear of making wrong decisions and controlling parents. “The thought of making a mistake is so overwhelming and frightening that it paralyzes the sufferers while they try to make a decision,” says Shreya Kaul, a Noida-based counselling psychologist.

For many, self-doubt and a lack of confidence in their own judgment cause them to rethink their decisions; for others, past decisions may cause difficulties.

“The procedure can be made more difficult by external pressure or the desire to win over others. In general, a number of situational, psychological and emotional elements play a role in indecision,” says Dr. Gupta.

Mental health also plays a role. “People who suffer from anxiety often find it difficult to make decisions because they are afraid of what might happen. In some cases, trauma and childhood experiences impair the ability of those affected to make decisions,” adds Kaul.

“In extreme cases, indecisiveness can be part of a mental disorder, such as dependent personality disorder, in which a person overly relies on others for emotional and physical needs. These cases usually require diagnosis by a clinical psychologist or psychiatrist,” says Kaul. Experts add that children whose parents made most decisions for them often have difficulty with decision-making as adults.

What does indecision look like?

“Hesitation, constant questioning and difficulty making a decision are signs of indecision,” says Dr. Gupta.

Indecisive people often postpone decisions, seek validation from others, and fear potential outcomes. They tend to overthink even seemingly insignificant decisions, which eventually leads to procrastination, anger, and loss of confidence in judgment.

“Indecision can manifest itself in a variety of ways, from being unable to decide what to eat to constantly second-guessing decisions. It can lead to spending excessive amounts of time making decisions out of fear of making the wrong choice. This behavior can sometimes be linked to a need for validation from others, as sufferers seek approval for their decisions,” says Kaul.

So how can you stop being indecisive?

Recognition is the first step. Next, you need a strong will to improve your decision-making skills. There are several expert-approved strategies that can improve your decision-making skills.

“From a holistic perspective, it’s about understanding your goals and values. It’s helpful to sit down and think about what you want in life and the direction you want to go in. This broader understanding can provide a framework for decision-making,” says Kaul. Whether it’s a project you’re working on or another important aspect of life, it’s better to know your top priorities and long-term goals.

Make it a habit to look back after every decision you make and analyze the results. See what went well and what could have been better.

When making your decision, consider the following:

Make a list of pros and cons: Making a list of pros and cons and then scoring or weighting each point can provide clarity. Quantifying aspects of your decision can make it easier to reach a conclusion. This is one of the strategies Noida-based psychologist Shreya Kaul uses with her clients.

Don’t seek too much advice: Another way to deal with indecision is to limit the number of people you ask for advice. Asking too many people can lead to confusion and overwhelm you. Only turn to maybe two reliable people.

Set a schedule: To avoid procrastinating, set deadlines. “Setting deadlines for decisions, especially big ones, can also help you become more decisive,” says Kaul.

Limit your options: Reduce the number of options to simplify the decision-making process and avoid overload.

The 10/10/10 rule: “When you make a decision, ask yourself, ‘How will I feel about this in 10 minutes, 10 months and 10 years?’ This will help you move beyond the stress of the moment and gain a long-term perspective,” recommends Vaishali Arora, clinical psychologist at mental health platform Lissun.

Recognize the small decisions you make every day: “Remember, we make decisions all the time. We just don’t always recognize them as such because they aren’t important decisions,” says Kaul. Whether it’s getting up in the morning or deciding what to eat, these are all decisions you make.