I am an author, my husband is a window cleaner – that’s why it’s good for our relationship

This essay is based on a conversation with Soulla Christodoulou. It has been condensed and edited for clarity.

Before I met my partner Alan Reynolds in 2009, I was the type of person who got upset about things, especially in the corporate world where I once worked.

Your heart races when you rant and rave. I was a brooder and that wasn’t good for my health.

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But in the 15 years that my partner and I have been together, I have become much calmer and more grounded. I put this down to the influence of Alan. He is a window cleaner and gardener in our hometown of London. He makes a living by getting his hands dirty.

My job as a book editor, author and lecturer, on the other hand, is academically oriented. I spend my day in front of a laptop, so there is no real comparison between what Alan and I do.

Our jobs are one reason why our relationship is so easy. We have never been rivals. We complement each other. I have learned a lot by being with a practical person.

Alan asked me three times before I agreed to a date

Nothing fazes him. Some people stoke the flames, but he’s constantly putting them out. When something doesn’t go according to plan, he simply says, “Well, that’s what happened. What can we do to fix it?”

We can hurry up a long time before we go out together. Alan cleaned my window and we chatted on the doorstep when he went to collect his money.

He was friendly and helpful. He noticed when one of my children’s bike tires needed pumping up. “Should I do that while I’m here?” he asked.

Years later, after both marriages had broken down, we started talking more. He asked me out. I was too busy being a teacher at the time, so I said no.

But that didn’t deter him. We went out after he asked for the third time, just before Christmas 2009. I thought, ‘Why not?’ because I trusted him.

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He picked me up in a car, which felt a little strange. I’d only seen him in a van. The meal was a success; we never stop talking. But I thought, “This is weird. I’m on a date with my window cleaner.”

When I told my family and friends about him, I always referred to him as my window cleaner. “He’s still a man,” someone said. That made me realize my own prejudices, so I looked at things from a different perspective.

On paper it may not have seemed like a good match. I had a Masters while Alan left school at 17. He worked in a bakery and a factory for many years before starting his window cleaning business.

However, I pursued a corporate career, followed by teaching, writing and book editing.

But as our relationship progressed, we complemented each other – including through our jobs. Alan’s job is weather dependent. He can’t go out with his leader in heavy rain, wind too high, or weather so cold that the windows freeze.

Instead of getting upset, he’ll put things off and call a client to see if they need anything done around the house that day. Many of them are older and he’s very patient. When I get upset about computer problems or meetings not running on time, he says, “Oh, for God’s sake, there are more important things in life than that.” He sees another side of humanity.

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There is no rivalry in terms of what we do professionally

He is so relaxed that he relieves my stress. I have become much calmer. I would like to believe that he has taught me grace.

Just because he doesn’t have a lot of qualifications doesn’t mean you can’t have great conversations with him. Alan, a year older than me at 58, knows so much about music, football and fishing. I go to networking events and he comes as a chaperone. He was nervous at first but now he absolutely loves it. People love getting to know him because he does something completely different to the typical person in the room.

We don’t compete with each other in any way. I have friends who have partners in the same industry. When one asks, “How’s work going?” it’s easy to feel like they’re trying to outdo each other. They talk about this deal or that deal they’ve done and that creates rivalry. Alan and I don’t have that because our work isn’t related.

We value ourselves and honor each other – not because of what we do, but because of who we are.

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