This is how online dating works

Which platform is right for you depends entirely on you. There are countless special exchanges for all kinds of needs, says Gebauer. Don’t be afraid.

How does online dating work?

Modern dating apps work in a similar way. You create a profile in which you provide information about yourself and upload photos. Potential contacts are then displayed.

“Most dating apps are designed to be quite playful and are based on the swipe mechanism,” says Pia Kabitzsch. This means that the profile of another person is displayed and you decide whether you are interested – then you swipe right. If not, you swipe left. If both sides have swiped right, a so-called match is created and you can write to each other.

Many apps can be downloaded for free. But be careful: you should check whether you are getting a trial or full version and whether there might be any extra costs – for example if you want to send messages in the app. Oliver Buttler from the Baden-Württemberg Consumer Advice Center points this out.

Dating expert Kabitzsch can unlock certain functions in some apps for money. Then you can, for example, see straight away which contacts have liked your profile. This allows you to write directly to the people who are actually interested in you.

How do you create a good profile?

“We shouldn’t see our dating profile as an application profile,” says dating coach Gebauer. Rather, you should design it to reflect who you really are. This should also be reflected in the pictures: “The photos should be up-to-date.” But you don’t have to go to the photo studio specifically for the pictures. If you’re too styled, it could actually give the wrong impression and lead to disappointment at the first meeting.

Pia Kabitzsch shares this view. Many people have the impulse to upload only the most beautiful pictures. But what really works well on dating apps are authentic photos taken in real life. “Because real and imperfect photos exude trustworthiness.” And that is a big factor in online dating.

In addition to photos, the profile text, the so-called bio, is important. Studies have also shown this, says Kabitzsch. “It’s worth investing enough time in the bio. “Photos alone don’t really appeal to many people,” explains the psychologist.

The main thing is to reveal something personal about yourself – ideally creatively and humorously. Instead of “I like drinking coffee,” you could write “My coffee machine and I, we are best friends,” says Kabitzsch. But you shouldn’t stress yourself out too much about it. If you don’t know what to do next, you could use artificial intelligence to design the text – chatbots like ChatGPT or Gemini. Or ask family and friends how they would describe you in a few words.

And how do you write to someone?

It’s best to formulate a message with a reference to the other person’s profile that invites a response. For example, if you include the ball from the coffee machine in the example above, this kind of wording will stand out in the other person’s bio.

And who contacts first? Both experts advise: Write in any case, regardless of gender. “All these supposed rules: ‘The man can only write and the woman has to wait’ are complete bullshit,” says Pia Kabitzsch. Another tip from the psychologist: Write to the other person using their first name.

When writing, you should simply be authentic, says dating coach Gebauer: “It’s about two people getting to know each other.” He also advises leaving the online world as soon as possible. Because if you write for too long without meeting in person, disillusionment can set in at some point – for example, because you have imagined a different image of the person.

If you want to check things out before meeting in person, you can call or make a video call. If the phone call went well, says Gebauer, the likelihood of being disappointed on the date is much lower.

How to date safely?

In general, consumer advocate Oliver Buttler advises people to be careful about what they reveal about themselves when writing. For example, you shouldn’t necessarily write how much they earn. There are also fake profiles on dating apps that are primarily based on stealing other people’s personal data.

You can also protect yourself from harassment. “I don’t have to accept every contact,” says Buttler. People can be blocked or reported. All platforms should actually have a report button, says the consumer advocate.

Some apps offer to verify your profile. Then they check whether there is a real person behind it. Pia Kabitzsch recommends doing this for your own profile. “And I would also recommend that you only write to profiles that are verified.”

And what if you do meet? The dating expert has two important tips. Firstly: “Make sure you tell people you trust when you meet.” And secondly, she recommends always meeting in a public place on the first date. Even if you’re only meeting for sex, “never meet at home straight away.”